What's So Great about Being Single?

What's So Great about Being Single?
Plenty! Here's why.
Camerin Courtney

I'll admit it—there are days when if I were to write an article called "Why Being
Single Stinks," it would fill volumes. Days when the entire congregation at my church
seems made of happy couples and their charming children—while I sit in my pew
alone. Or when I receive still another wedding invitation and can't even picture
whom I'd ask to accompany me, let alone whom I could someday walk down the
aisle with once my turn comes.
But thankfully, this isn't the whole story. Just the other day my roommate, Karen,
and I were enjoying our Saturday morning tradition of banana chocolate-chip
pancakes—she dressed in plaid flannel pants and a tie-dyed t-shirt and I in my pjs
and a Pebbles Flintstone-inspired ponytail. As we plopped down in front of the tube
to watch a rerun of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, I flashed her a smile and asked,
"Aren't you glad we're single?" She looked at our clothing, our cuisine, and the cute
man on the screen, and agreed with a hearty laugh. Here are a few other things we
like about being single:

f r e e d o m
Once we got our fill of pancakes that morning, we noticed the beautiful day shaping
up outside. Karen looked at me and said, "Two words: Lake Michigan." An hour or so
later we were in my car, a frisbee in the back seat, walking shoes on our feet, our
beverage of choice—Frappuccinos—inour drink holders, and our favorite musical
soundtrack blaring out our open windows. In twenty minutes we would be breathing
in the fresh air and walking off our caffeine buzz along the rocky ledges bordering
Lake Michigan. Ahh, the single life.
Spontaneity. Freedom. Flexibility. These are some of the best things about being
single. They've allowed Karen, a middle-school teacher, to spend her summers off
teaching day camp to inner-city kids. They've allowed my friend Cheryl to travel to
Russia and share her faith with college students. They've allowed my friend Julie the
time to create the most beautiful garden in our suburb. And they've allowed me to
visit my friend Christa in Germany and take in the European experience without
missing a husband or kids back home.
Sure, we'd all someday like to have the structure of date nights and bedtime stories,
but for now we're trying to make the most of the flexibility in our Daytimers.

m a r r i e d f r I e n d s
Months ago I had lunch with Carla and Annette, two Christian coworkers of mine,
each with a marriage I admire. As we were talking about the upcoming wedding of a
mutual friend, the conversation drifted to the topic of sex. While I blushed in silence,
these frank friends told me that sex isn't always thrilling. Sometimes it's awkward
and messy, they admitted. As a single woman in our sex-saturated society,
sometimes I need to hear this.
Through listening to my married friends over the years, I've learned better than to
think that marriage's always chocolate and romance—or that it's a cure-all. These
friends aren't bashing their husbands; they're simply telling it like it is. Singleness
may have its bad days—but these friends help remind me that married life does, too.

g u y f r i e n d s
We all have our opinions on the age-old question: Can men and women be "just
friends"? In my own life, I've found the answer to be yes. And I'm really glad, too.
Because without guys like Ray and Max in my life right now, the lack of a husband or
boyfriend could seem even more pronounced. Ray—whom I met at my Bible study—
offers spiritual enthusiasm, prayer support, and a zest for life. And once he even lent
his woodworking skills when I was trying to take apart a bookshelf and strip the
paint from it. I met Max through a work connection and we talk often on the phone,
exchanging creative energy, accountability for our various writing projects, and
valuable in-sights on the opposite gender.
I fully believe God's brought these friends into my life. And if I were married right
now, I'm not sure we'd even be able to be friends. I certainly know we wouldn't be
as close as we are. So for now, in this husbandless season of my life, I'm savoring
these male friendships.

t i m e a l o n e
For the first eight months after I graduated from college, I lived alone. What could
have been the most lonely time of my life turned out to be one of the most
rewarding. I would pray out loud while washing dishes, sing along with the radio
without apology, or settle into a chair with a good book and read uninterrupted for
hours. There was a richness to this time in my life I wouldn't trade for anything—
even the days when the relative silence did actually turn into loneliness. And even on
those days, because I had no one to turn to, I'd cry out to God and sense his
presence more acutely than if I'd had the distractions of a husband and kids.
I've learned that being alone out in public has its benefits, too.
Last fall I took a business trip to New York alone. My evenings were free and
Broadway was a few blocks away, so I gathered my courage one night and went to
see a show on my own. During the intermission, I struck up a conversation with the
mom sitting next to me and discovered she and her family was from Denmark
visiting the States for the first time. We chatted for a few minutes, exchanging
cultural info we each took in with rapt interest. The next night I had dinner at a
nearby quaint Italian restaurant with a woman from Arizona I met at one of the
seminars earlier that day. After dinner we wandered over to Rockefeller Center and
people-watched as we chatted about our jobs and home states. Because I didn't
have someone else's schedule to take into consideration, I was free to take these
spur-of-the-moment excursions—and interact with interesting people along the way.

o u r g a n g
Karen, my roommate, and I have three other friends—Julie, Lisa, and Ruth—who
comprise what I jokingly refer to as Our Gang. These are the kind of close friends
who will give me a ride to the airport at 6:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning, or bring
their own slippers when they come to our apartment for movie night. We've
laughed—when a date backed into and broke Julie's fence; we've cried—when Lisa's
grandfather's health deteriorated rapidly and he recently died; we've celebrated—
when Karen bought her first new car last year. We've even traveled together to San
Antonio, Texas, a couple Thanksgivings ago for a much-needed vacation.
It took me a while to settle into these close friendships, but it's neat to look back at
how God wove each one of these treasured friends into my circle. I know that
someday our tight ties will have to lessen when and if husbands finally grace the
scene. But until that one special man enters my life, I'm thankful for these four
special friends who meet my relational needs. And seeing how God brought them
each to me at just the right time gives me renewed faith that if a husband's in his
will for me, God will do the same with my Mr. Right.

Make the Most of Your Singleness
1. Ask Around.
Talk to your married friends and find out what they miss most about being
single. Is it girls' nights out? Is it the time to take a photography class? Take
advantage of these opportunities now so you'll have no regrets later.
2. Make a List.
What do you want to accomplish in life—write a book? Travel to Italy?
Participate in a short-term missions trip? Write all this down on a master list,
then pick one thing and go for it. Don't let waiting for a husband put your life
on hold.
3. Pray.
Ecclesiastes 3 tells us there are specific purposes for certain seasons of life.
Ask God what unique things he wants you to do or learn in this single season.
Obedience to these things will draw you closer to him and make for an
exciting ride.
4. Invest in Others.
Since you're not focusing a majority of your relational energy into a husband
right now, you've got a lot to give. There are Sunday school classes, refugee
families, and weary neighbors who could be eternally blessed by your
involvement in their lives. And the joy you'll receive in return will help chase
away those lonely days.
5. Get Going.
There's a lot to see and do in this big world and now's your best chance to
take it all in. A road trip with friends is always a bonding experience. And it's
never too late for a family vacation. Enrich your life by broadening its
boundaries. (You never know whom you may meet along the way!)


1998 by the author or Christianity Today International/Today's Christian Woman magazine.

Work the Wait

Work the Wait
How I make the most of God's delays
Stephanie Voiland

When will I get my turn to hang a white dress in my closet?" I mumbled as I hung up myfourth bridesmaid dress last summer. A single 29-year-old, I'd watched friend after friendjoin the ranks of "Mrs."; I couldn't help but wonder, How much longer, God?
As I contemplated my life's many delays, I realized I don't like waiting—and I'm not verygood at it. But I wanted to grow during my waiting seasons rather than become bitter orlose faith. So I asked God to show me how he's working through these divine delays.

Reminders of Redemption
Sometimes, a wait seems to have no apparent reason. The delay is simply the product ofa sin-ravaged world.
My friend Tiffanie, after finishing grad school, spent months searching for a job. As leadsfailed to pan out into paychecks, she became discouraged.
Yet, much to my admiration, Tiffanie refused to anesthetize the waiting ache. For threemonths, she fasted from TV because she believed God had "given me the time (whether Iasked for it or not) to reflect on what I have and where I'm headed."
Throughout those agonizing months, God showed up in ways more profound than a joboffer. She was looking for a way to support herself; God taught her a new level ofdependence on him. She was desperately waiting for a potential employer's phone call;instead, God spoke into her soul's quiet places. She was searching for a genie-god toprovide instantly for her needs; God blew her away by revealing he's much better andbigger than she'd ever dreamed.
Strangely, it's in the bleakest waiting moments that God's interventionmanifests itself most clearly.
Eventually, Tiffanie landed a job, and she was grateful for the answered prayer. But shewas even more grateful to learn God meets us through the waiting journey in waysbeyond those originally asked or imagined. And he lovingly reminds us he can redeemany situation.

The Timing of Trust
Strangely, it's in the bleakest waiting moments that God's intervention manifests itselfmost clearly. Sometimes, those miracles are glamorous. We receive the perfect job, thephysical healing, the necessary funds—and the wait is over.But other times, God does the miracle in us.
Not long ago, as I was sitting down to dinner with my parents, they received a phone callfrom a hospital: "Your son's been in an accident. … Can't give details. … Come as soon as you can. … " In a trance, I stumbled to the car with my parents and sister. Those twohours on the way to the hospital were the longest of my life. I wish my immediatereaction had been peace, communion with God, or some other super-spiritualphenomenon. But the feeling in my gut was more like numbness and nausea. My mindchurned with questions: Is he going to survive? Will he walk again? Waiting for detailsunknown and out of my control was terrifying.
Somewhere between my parents' home and the hospital, however, a remarkable thinghappened. Ever so subtly in that night's uncertainty, the Holy Spirit crept into mypersonal waiting room. I was still terrified. But underneath that layer of fear, I foundmyself standing on an infinitely solid truth, one no car accident could steal. I didn't knowwhat we'd find when we arrived at the hospital. But I knew whatever it was, God wouldstill be God.
My circumstances hadn't changed. Yet in the midst of waiting, I'd learned a new kind oftrust. And this learning, in itself, was almost like a miracle.
Thankfully, my brother walked out of the hospital a week later with merely a row ofstitches above one eye and a scar over his left lung. I walked away with a freshperspective on what it means to trust God without knowing the outcome. Waitingseasons are still painful. But deep within me, God is at work, assuring me he won't wastemy heartaches. That even if he doesn't make my situations better, he'll somehow makeme better through them.

A Compassionate Presence
Often a wait seems long when life doesn't unfold according to our agendas. Butsometimes God has amazing reasons for a delay.
I learned that great lesson about waiting from the story of Lazarus's resurrection ().Jesus was good friends with Lazarus and his sisters, Martha and Mary. Christ evencrashed at their place occasionally. So surely when he heard Lazarus was ill, he'd rush tohis side and heal him! Instead, we read this haunting sentence: "Although Jesus lovedMartha, Mary and Lazarus, he stayed where he was for the next two days" (verses 5–6).My knee-jerk reaction is to cry, "Hello! Why were you waiting? That's not love!" Marthaand Mary were slightly more diplomatic, but they expressed the same sentiment: "Lord,if only you had been here" (verses 21 and 32).
With our limited vision, Mary, Martha, and I couldn't see God sometimes doesn't give uswhat we request so he can give us something better. Jesus said the death of Lazarus"happened for the glory of God so that the Son of God will receive glory for this" (verse4). Granted, a healing would have been amazing. But Jesus had a bigger plan thatcouldn't occur without Lazarus's time in the grave.
While waiting for this plan to unfold, Mary and Martha must have taken comfort in onesmall action of Jesus. It would have been easy to miss, since it fell somewhere betweentheir initial grief and Jesus' most astounding miracle. The moment is easy for us tooverlook too, since it's recorded in the Bible's shortest verse: "Jesus wept" (verse 35).He hurt because he saw Mary and Martha's pain.
He doesn't orchestrate broken bodies and hearts as some sort of spiritual boot camp,while he stands aloof shouting orders. He doesn't insist we get over our waiting ache.Rather, he aches and walks with us to help us navigate our fractured world.
The flesh-and-blood God, who shed real tears, was with Mary and Martha. And when wefeel alone in our wait, he promises the same: "Never will I leave you; never will I forsakeyou" ().


I’d still like a white dress to hang in my closet someday—preferably someday soon. Butnow as I wait, I'm careful not merely to mark time, so preoccupied with what's next thatI miss out on what's now. I'm striving to wait well. And part of waiting well, I've learned,is being open to God's lessons about redemption, trust, compassion, and his higherpurposes along the way.
Until I see God face-to-face, I'll always wait for something. Or rather, Someone. And as Ilong for earthly things, I'll allow them to point me to the deepest longing in my soul. He'sthe One I await.

Copyright © 2008 by the author or Christianity Today International/Today's Christian Woman magazine.